where do u look for comfort?

this is what i saw when waiting for my first out of the four mid term tests i will be having for the next two weeks. a girl, who was sitting a few rows away from me, was hugging her soft toy teddy. i did not observe her for the rest of an hour because i obviously had better and more important things to do. but i assumed she hugged it during the whole one hour duration.

on my way home after tuition, i saw a dad brought his two kids out for a walk, probably after a heavy dinner. coincidentally, those two kids were hugging a teddy in their hands too.

i am not going to mock at them, especially the undergraduate girl. in fact, i think it is perfectly fine for her to do that. during stressful situations, we all look for things to comfort us, make us feel better and happy. that's why the snacks that we eat during examinations period are called comfort food. then again, food is not the only source of comfort one can find. it can be anything, anywhere or even anyone. it does not require any physical shape. all it needs to do is to make you feel more at ease.

so where on earth is this thing? i dont know. you have to seek and find. my method may not work for you because we are different. i secretly do hope to be out of school soon.

what do i exactly want?

i dont want to go. i am not interested. what exactly is it that i want? even i myself has not found the answer yet. i dont know why but i have been hating the life that i am leading now. maybe cos it is monotone, with no excitement and nothing to look forward to except for holidays at the end of the year. that pretty much sums up my outlook of life for now.

this sucks! i dont really hate being a student because i know working life wont be anyhow kinder to me. but i do know is that i dont want to be this powerless, without any control of my life. i cant afford to do certain things because there are many considerations. i need to save up, i need to pay my dad the japan debt but i want a life. gosh! seriously, i am starting to wonder how closet muggers spend their lives. sad, pathetic and pitiful.

give me some fireworks and i will make wonders. if really i have super powers, like flying, so i can go to any part of the world whenever and wherever i like. i dont really mind the ability to control time too. so on sucky bad hair days, i will make my day ends fast and make time crawl when i am enjoying it. let's dream that a superhero kinda accident will happen to me tonight first. so keep daydreaming! it keeps the hope alive. at least i have my bitchy gossip girl new season to keep me accompany on days like this.

no, you have not missed out a lot

finally the one week break is here. woohoo!! nah, you have not been missing out much. got some good food and nice cold beer for the past 2 days. am i just enjoying life or clearly ignoring the fact that i still need to study for my mid term tests? well, let's the holidays begin!

i got developed some of my first holga collections. yes, the keyword here is some because i stupidly thought that i could collect my photos immediately on the same day if i developed lesser rolls of film. unfortunately, it did not work this way. it wasnt fantastic but a good start. let what sai said, continue shooting! please tell me any good spots to take photos okay?

i dun know why i have such a crazy fav for photography. maybe i got it from my dad cos my dad loves to take photographs. i remembered clearly when i was little, my dad would instruct me to stand at certain spot to take photo with the background. and every festive seasons, like christmas, all the shopping malls along orchard road would be well decorated with santa, elves and presents. though singapore does not snow, it felt more like christmas back then.

i have been dreaming for my camera for months. when when when can i ever lay my hands on it? sometimes, i wish i was working now. it is sick to work to spend. at least i am financially independent right? gosh! i miss the power of money.

let's end it off with some holga photos. =)


while waiting for the company bus...




the temple behind the 10yen coin




sake museum

what am i going to do?

what am i going to do with my life after i graduate? i think this is the big question that is in everyone's mind now. it is sick and tiring to go to career talks at least once a week when you know deep down in your heart that you stand almost no chances against the majority in the talk. demoralizing to face the harsh reality when you know all the talk about attitude and performance is just a politically correct answer to encourage more applicants. afterall, it is the grades that put you on the map.

damn. h strive and not sit by my laptop and typed this whiny entry? ow am i going to survive in this every man for himself society? no more friends look out for each other back kinda thing anymore. this is getting more like the survivor game. shouldnt it inspire me to strive and not sit by my laptop to type this whiny entry?

cool it girl! i guess there is frustrations building within me. what is the point of putting myself down when i still have another year to go? focus on how i should get to what i want to go. even if i dont reach my destination at the end of it, at least i have gave it a shot.